“Document the abuse” is common advice given to people who are experiencing sexual violence, intimate partner violence or stalking. Too often, that advice is followed up with “so that you can give evidence to the police.” While some trans/nonbinary survivors do seek help from law enforcement, many do not. If we only focus on providing documentation to law enforcement, we miss many of the ways that documentation can be helpful to people experiencing violence.
Let’s look more at what it means to document harm.
Why do people document harm that happens?
Documenting harm can help you to:
- Identify patterns
- Remember what happened
- Process the experience
- Keep information about the harm to share with others
- Believe yourself about your experiences
- Provide evidence in case of criminal or civil legal cases (including if the abuser or someone else brings a case against you or if you decide to pursue legal action)
- Help with safety planning
What can you document?
A survivor can document anything that feels important or helpful to them. There’s no one right thing to track, and it may not be possible to document everything that happens. Here are some common things that survivors document:
- Photographs of
- Injuries
- Damaged property
- Handwritten notes or unwanted gifts
- License plates or evidence of stalking
- Screenshots or pictures of
- Threatening/harassing texts, emails
- Excessive/harassing phone calls
- Evidence of financial or tech abuse
- Dates of physical assaults
- Descriptions of “arguments”
- Descriptions of events as you remember them
- Especially helpful if the abuser tells you that you remember things wrong
- The events/circumstances surrounding incidents of violence/harm from the abuser
- For example, Friday night: J was stressed about work, had been drinking, dinner was late, kids were screaming. Sunday morning: J had been drinking.
- Resources you have reached out to for support
- Survivors often interact with a variety of service providers. It can be hard to keep track of who offers what services.
- Consider a list of organizations, contact information, and what they offer or when you have connected with them.
- This list may also be helpful if you need to demonstrate to anyone, such as child protective services, that you are trying to get help.
- Interactions with law enforcement or courts
- While law enforcement may provide you with reports, it can be helpful to keep your own notes on interactions. This can help you remember what happened and track any next steps.
How do you safely store documentation?
In most situations, it is important that the abusive person does not find your documentation. Many abusers will use the fact that you are collecting this information as an excuse for escalating their harm. They may also destroy what you have collected.
Digital options
- Password protected files
- Backup to the cloud – with an account the abuser cannot access
- Secret or hidden folders on your device – preferably password protected
- Labeled as something subtle or unrelated
Safety Net Project has more information on documentation.
Physical options
- Make multiple copies
- Keep a copy in a place outside of your home, where the abuser cannot access it
- Keep a diary, folder, or other files well hidden in the home, in a place you go but the abusive person doesn’t
- Consider using a code in a calendar or diary, if you think the abuser might find it. For example, putting a dot on your personal calendar on days of physical assaults. Or using a specific phrase in your journal. Perhaps any reference to the weather could be your indication of that your partner hurt you that day.
Reminders
It is impossible to document everything that happens. Be kind to yourself throughout this process. There will likely be days that you forget or are too stressed to document something.
Remember your personal reasons for documenting the harm. This can help you decide what to document and where to keep it. If you are trying to identify patterns, it may be helpful to review your documents every once in a while to see what that can help you notice. Reviewing your documents can also help you to be less hurt by gaslighting. It can even help you insure that physical injuries are healing okay.
If you decide to meet with a domestic violence or other type of advocate or other person for safety planning, you may choose to share some or all of what you have documented. This can be helpful especially if you don’t remember everything or don’t want to have to describe everything out loud.
There are many reasons to document abuse that have nothing to do with interacting with law enforcement. If you do interact with law enforcement, your documentation may help you to stay safer and access the resources you want and need.