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Contacting Hotlines: Questions and Answers

by | October 8, 2025 | Blog, Featured

Sometimes one of the challenges with asking for help is that we don’t know what will happen or what a place offers. Calling a crisis hotline can be overwhelming. Who will answer? Can they help me? What do I even need? Am I ready to talk about this? What will I have to tell them? Will they call the cops?  

Every hotline works differently. Some, like those for a local domestic violence shelter, also connect people to the other services that the organization provides. Some, such as the national domestic violence hotline, provide information, resources, and support through the hotline, but don’t run additional programs themselves.  

There are many different types of hotlines. There are many different types of crisis and supports available. Some focus on sexual assault, others on domestic violence, some on mental health. Some hotlines have a broad range of support available, while others are very focused in what areas of support they provide. If you have the capacity, you can search for specific resources that match your needs. 

When we are in crisis, it might be hard to know what we need, let alone which hotline or resource to access. Many hotlines will be able to help you find an alternative number, if they are not able to meet your needs. It is okay to call a place while in crisis, even if you are not sure they are the “right” place. Some people find it helpful to save phone numbers in their phone while they are not in crisis, so they don’t have to do research while in crisis. 

Find hotlines and safety resources here: https://trans-survivors.com/safety/ 

What do hotlines offer? 

  • Someone to listen to you 
  • Safety planning 
  • Someone to talk through options with 
  • Explanation about resources, laws, and other programs 
  • Lists of other organizations that provide resources 
  • Information about a specific issue
  • Validation and emotional support 

What is it like to call a hotline? 

This will vary from place to place. Typically, the person who answers will ask a basic question – like, “How can I help you?” It is okay if you don’t have a clear answer yet! You can answer in any way that you would like. You might ask a specific question, ask for a resource, explain what has been happening, cry, or anything else. 

Generally, the person answering the hotline will ask you questions, answer your questions, and may provide ideas or suggestions. You don’t have to follow their advice and you can change the subject or set a boundary at any time. 

Calls last anywhere between two minutes and two hours, depending on your needs and the hotline. You can end the call anytime you want. You can even just hang up without saying goodbye. It is totally okay to be awkward!   

Throughout the conversation you have the right to set boundaries, refuse to answer certain questions or change the subject at any time. You can decline to share your name or give a fake name. You can say that you don’t want to talk about something or share what you find helpful or not helpful. The conversation is meant for you; it is okay to direct it as you need to. 

What should I prepare for before calling a hotline? 

You don’t have to do anything before you call. It is okay to call a hotline just to talk or without any clear idea what you want. That happens all the time. Many people call when they are in crisis – either emotionally or physically. This is part of the reason that many hotlines are available 24/7 – so that people can call any time that they need to. Hotlines expect that people may call while in distress or that people may not have had time to plan before calling. 

If you have time and feel more comfortable preparing you might consider: 

  • Writing down a list of questions that you have – that way you don’t forget something.
  • Calling at a time when you have privacy to talk freely. This doesn’t mean you have to be alone. It might be easiest to call with a support person nearby, or while you are running errands (and thus away from a harmdoer). 
  • Have something with you to take notes with. If it’s safe to do so, you might want to write down details – who did you call, what information did they give you? This can help you remember if you end up calling multiple places for resources. 

Again, it is totally okay if you are not prepared! People call all the time who haven’t done any planning. It is also okay to write yourself a script. For many people planning out questions can be super helpful. 

How can I protect my privacy when contacting a hotline? 

There are two types of privacy to consider – the privacy of what you share with the hotline and your privacy from others in your life knowing you contacted the hotline.  

In terms of the hotline – many hotlines are confidential. This means that they do their best to keep your information safe and secure. However, most hotlines have exceptions to this rule – for times when they think you may be a danger to yourself or others or when a minor is experiencing harm. To protect your information from the hotline you can: 

  • Ask them what they do with your information 
  • Consider what information you want to share or not share. Many people decide not to share information that may lead to a report.  
  • Leave out identifying details. 

Your privacy from others in your life is also important. It may be okay with you if others know who you are calling. However, there are many situations when it might be harmful to you if others know. For example, if a partner is hurting or controlling you, that partner may escalate the harm if they find out you are seeking support or telling someone about the abuse. In other situations, friends or family members may try to pressure you to use services that you do not want if they believe you are considering suicide. 

To protect your privacy from others in your life consider: 

  • Deleting your browser history or using a private browser to search for hotline information. 
  • Using someone else’s phone to make the call. 
  • Deleting call or text histories.  
  • Calling at a time when you won’t be overheard.  

If you are concerned that someone may be checking your devices or tracking you in some way, check out this resource for more technology safety tips.  

What will the person answering think of me? 

Most likely they will think you are someone who needs support and who they want to help as best as they are able. Hotlines train people in active listening and in the focus area of the hotline (whether that’s general crisis, domestic violence, or suicide).  

Some hotlines have paid staff; others have volunteers. Almost every hotline has some sort of training process for their team. Depending on the hotline and the person answering, you might speak with someone with extensive knowledge on a specific subject or someone with more generalized knowledge.  

It is also good to know that some hotlines are “by and for” – such as the Trans LifeLine. This means that they are run and staffed by the community their services are for.  

I need a specific resource, is this really going to help? 

Maybe. Most hotlines keep a list of resources for a lot of different needs in the area they serve. If you are looking for in-person support or local services, the closer the hotline is to your area, the more likely they are to know who can help. For example, a state hotline will have more local resources than a national one, but a local (city or county) hotline will likely know the most resources. Many hotlines also gather information on the resources they share – so they may be able to tell you more about eligibility requirements or what exactly other organizations offer. This can save you from having to make tons of phone calls. 

Hotlines won’t always be able to meet a specific need, and many programs they refer you to may have a waitlist or take a while to access. Hotlines can still help by sharing information and providing emotional support. Many people find it can be helpful to talk to someone about what is happening in their life. Some folks even find that they share more with an anonymous stranger than they would with someone they know. They may be able to answer questions you have or share information – such as coping strategies or tactics of domestic violence. 

For example, on a domestic violence hotline, people frequently call and ask if a specific situation is considered domestic violence.  That question can lead to conversations about their experiences of harm from a partner, and let the caller know that they weren’t alone. Learning that other people have experienced similar things can be validating. Of course, we don’t wish these bad things on others, but it can be a reminder that what’s happening is not your fault. 

Another common thing shared on hotlines is, “I don’t know why I’m calling.” Honestly, that’s a great thing to share. The person on the hotline can then talk with you, and together you can figure out if there is anything specific you need or if just talking and being listened to feels helpful. Many hotline calls are collaborative like this – you may not know what exactly to say or ask for – but the person answering can help you navigate that and figure it out.  

Can I talk to the same person more than once? 

Probably not. For privacy and safety reasons, hotlines rarely share their staff’s schedules. Often, hotline calls are anonymous. This means that even if the same person answers twice, they may not be allowed to confirm if they’ve talked to you before. 

Some organizations, like those that provide local services, may collect your information over the phone, like doing an intake. In this case, if you call back and share your name, they may be able to look up notes on what you’ve discussed previously. This is more likely to happen at some place like a local domestic violence agency. If you do not want to share information over the phone, you can say no. You can also ask how the information will be stored, who will have access to it, and what kind of notes will be taken. Many places that do keep records try to keep minimal records to protect your safety and privacy.  

Will they call the police? 

This varies so much by agency. You always have the right to ask if they will call anyone else about you and under what circumstances.  

For a list of organizations that do not call law enforcement check out this post. 

Can I text instead of call? 

Yes, there are some hotlines that offer text or online chat-based services.  

Chat or text hotlines can be great for access needs such as processing or communicating nonverbally, for folks who are Deaf or hard of hearing, as well as if you don’t like speaking out loud or don’t have a quiet place to chat from. Some people find it harder to communicate without tone of voice, and many hotlines do not use emojis or other common text symbols. Other people strongly prefer chat or text and appreciate the time it gives them to collect their thoughts. Most of the time you can expect that a person will respond quickly to messages – though it may take them time to type out responses. Most chat-based services assume that you will be there chatting with them actively and will time out if you are inactive for a certain period of time (5-15 minutes commonly).  

The online chat services typically will automatically delete the chat record. You may want to clear your browser history or delete text message history if there is anyone who monitors your computer usage. You may want to use VPN (virtual private network) software which can mask your location and provide greater privacy. 

Unfortunately, one of the largest sexual violence hotlines with an online chat, RAINN, stopped providing LGBTQ specific resources and referrals in 2025. While they state they will not turn away anyone, they are limiting their staff training and referrals.  

The Trevor Project, which focuses on LGBTQ+ youth, provides an online chat, as do many local and state-based resources. 

What if it doesn’t help or I have a bad call? 

Unfortunately, this can happen. It might happen for any number of reasons: the person you talked to wasn’t a good fit for you, the organization you called doesn’t have the services or resources you need, the staff don’t have appropriate or specific enough training, you were in a place where nothing would help, the person you talked to was rude, dismissive, or otherwise hurtful, or something else entirely. Here are a few options: 

  • Take a break and take care of yourself. It can be so hard to call for help in the first place and devastating or enraging to not get the help you want and need. You have the right to care. Take a bit of time, if you can, to regulate your body – move, stim, cry, scream, breathe, walk – care for your body – drink water or tea, shower, eat, sleep – or connect with someone/something loving – a friend, pet, video game.  
  • Try calling again at a different time. If you think this organization might help, but the specific person you spoke with didn’t, try calling again in about 8-9 hours. That way, the person you spoke to will likely be off of their shift. 
  • Try a different agency. Even if you need to contact a place that is more local or less local or more or less focused, there may be someone who understands. 
  • Ask someone you know for help. Especially if you are reaching out for specific programs, resources, or referrals, it may help to ask someone else to make calls for you (or with you). They may have more energy for navigating the call and figuring out the steps needed to get you the support you need.  

Where can I find hotlines? 

Check out our list of crisis resources. https://trans-survivors.com/safety/ 

Contacting a hotline or crisis resource can be overwhelming. It can also be an empowering experience. Whether or not you end up contacting an organization, you have the right to care and safety. Hotlines are just one of the options available to us to get that support. They are right for some people and not a good fit for others. Check out other articles in this blog for more ideas on support that is available to you. Here are a few to get you started: